Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
