I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize