he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
