it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
