i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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