My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
