Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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