I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
