Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Text me some of your sweat
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize