I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
