Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
