Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
