She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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