I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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