Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
