so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize