in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
