whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
