All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize