If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
