I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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