While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
