Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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