Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
