why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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