trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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