You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I could make wine with my vomit
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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