Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
