Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
smell my finger.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
