I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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