I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
