I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Randomize