I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
