I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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