but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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