Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
