if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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