if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
