Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize