you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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