what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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