Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
