ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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