I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
operation harelip BJ is a go
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
