Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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