One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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