Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
