this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
