I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
