Where is the hickey?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
