she looked like the before picture.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
