apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
