I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
