end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
