too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
