I didn't shave. On purpose
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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