Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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