Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
