My room smells like vodka and shame
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
