Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
