I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
