I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
