Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
