i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
