i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
