i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
