Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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