well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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