I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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