if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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