We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
