I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize