I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
