On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
