i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
These tits shall not be calmed
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
