Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I want a musical about memes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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